That time of year again

Well, it's that time of year again, the time of year that I love. The fall leaves are all changing into brilliant colors or red, orange, yellow and green. The air seems to be so much crisper than the rest of the year. All I want to do is curl up in my DH's arms by a fire place and sip hot chocolate with teeny tiny marshmallows.




It's also the time of year that I dread. The people around me are all talking about what their children are going to be for Halloween and my work is abuzz with Halloween planning. If I have not posted it before, Halloween is a BIG deal at my work. Every "Team" is given $500 and has to come up with a theme and then is given designated areas of the building to decorate with that theme. We make it kid friendly and after 4 p.m. all the parents bring in their kids to trick or treat the office. I think it's a great thing and a nice place for the parents to take their children that is warm and safe. My office has close to 500 employees of which about 80% have children so you can imagine the flood of kiddies that come my way at 4 p.m. I cherish this day and being able to see all my co-worker friends in their adorable little costumes.



I however, can't help but be saddened at the same time that every year on Halloween I am reminded of what DH and I were blessed with for such a short time and that was ripped from our grasp on this day, October 31st, two years ago. My heart breaks for our angel babies and I often wonder if that will be my only experience of motherhood. Will I never get the joy of being pregnant again? Will we never get to hold our own dear baby in our arms? I do pretty well throughout the year holding back my emotions but that big, ugly green monster seems to rear his ugly head this time each year. Maybe he thinks this is a good time of year to come out seeing how everyone else is dressed up in monsters costumes or maybe it's just the emotion of it all flooding back. Whatever the case may be I am ready to create some happy memories to associate with this day. I know we will never forget our angel babies but hope that someday the pain will lessen and be replaced with the joy of a little one who can help fill a little bit of that hole in our hearts.



Sorry for the rambling. I hope everyone has an amazing Halloween and can't wait to see all the adorable costumes this year. Enjoy the beautiful fall weather and hug your babies tight as they are all true miracles no matter how they were brought into your life.