"Before you were conceived we wanted you, Before you were born we loved you, Before you were here an hour we would give our life for you. This is the miracle of life. ~Maureen Hawkins"

Thursday, October 28, 2010

That time of year again

Well, it's that time of year again, the time of year that I love. The fall leaves are all changing into brilliant colors or red, orange, yellow and green. The air seems to be so much crisper than the rest of the year. All I want to do is curl up in my DH's arms by a fire place and sip hot chocolate with teeny tiny marshmallows.

It's also the time of year that I dread. The people around me are all talking about what their children are going to be for Halloween and my work is abuzz with Halloween planning. If I have not posted it before, Halloween is a BIG deal at my work. Every "Team" is given $500 and has to come up with a theme and then is given designated areas of the building to decorate with that theme. We make it kid friendly and after 4 p.m. all the parents bring in their kids to trick or treat the office. I think it's a great thing and a nice place for the parents to take their children that is warm and safe. My office has close to 500 employees of which about 80% have children so you can imagine the flood of kiddies that come my way at 4 p.m. I cherish this day and being able to see all my co-worker friends in their adorable little costumes.

I however, can't help but be saddened at the same time that every year on Halloween I am reminded of what DH and I were blessed with for such a short time and that was ripped from our grasp on this day, October 31st, two years ago. My heart breaks for our angel babies and I often wonder if that will be my only experience of motherhood. Will I never get the joy of being pregnant again? Will we never get to hold our own dear baby in our arms? I do pretty well throughout the year holding back my emotions but that big, ugly green monster seems to rear his ugly head this time each year. Maybe he thinks this is a good time of year to come out seeing how everyone else is dressed up in monsters costumes or maybe it's just the emotion of it all flooding back. Whatever the case may be I am ready to create some happy memories to associate with this day. I know we will never forget our angel babies but hope that someday the pain will lessen and be replaced with the joy of a little one who can help fill a little bit of that hole in our hearts.

Sorry for the rambling. I hope everyone has an amazing Halloween and can't wait to see all the adorable costumes this year. Enjoy the beautiful fall weather and hug your babies tight as they are all true miracles no matter how they were brought into your life.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

We hit a MINI jackpot......sort of.


Unfortunately, we didn't win big in Vegas but we had a great time hangin out with family and taking in all that Vegas has to offer.  We ate some delicious food, expecially the seafood buffet at the RIO.  Highly recommended if you love seafood.   We didn't win big at the Rio but it was still worth it for the food and free entertainment.  I did win a little while we were there though.  When we first arrived I sat down next to my MIL and put some money in a machine next to the one she was playing and on about the third spin the machine froze up on me.  I still had $15.90 in the machine so I couldn't just walk away.  As I sat and waited and waited for someone to come fix my machine and retrieve my money the rest of our party (there were about 15 of us), was seated for dinner.  My DH was nice enough to wait with me while I was stuck out in the casino at my stupid broken machine.  The first guy who came over to fix the machine was unable to figure outthe problem so he had to call in a second guy who FINALLY got it fixed.  By that time I had been waiting at the machine for about half an hour and was getting extremely irritated.  By the time I was finished they would all be done with dinner.  Well, to my suprise, the second guy finally got the machine to work and it picked up where it had left of and the machine went into a spinning frenzy and sent me to the bonus and then retriggered the bonus and I ended up walking away with $111.00.  I thought that was pretty good payout for my troubles :)  LOL 

On the MINI jackpot front.  DH and I went in for some testing before we left on vacation, DH for an SA and me for a 3 day FSH and Estrodile.  We got an email from the clinic while on vacation and it was GREAT news.  I am so happy that we are starting off this time with better news than last time.  DH's SA came back perfect which was a huge relief as the first time about two years ago they were a little unhappy with his results.  My FSH came back at a 4 which they say is pretty great.  They usually like to see it below a 9 and the lower the better.  Which means I have a good egg reserve.  My Estrodile came back at a 40 which is great as well.  They usually like to see it at or below 80 and the lower the better.  This is supposed to signal that the quality of my eggs is good as well.  So, yay for that great news.  Now we just need to figure out why with such great starting results it is so hard for us to GET pregnant and when we do get pregnant why it's so hard for us to STAY pregnant.  Hoping this news is a signal for how the rest of this attemp is going to go and hopefully in a few months we are reporting a BFP and a few months after that the birth of a healthy little miracle. 

Happy Wednesday Everyone!!!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Viva Las Vegas!!!! and CD1

I'm so excited, DH and I are heading to Vegas tomorrow.  We are definitely ready for a vacation.  With him being on straight graveyards and me being sick all last week it's time for a little R&R and time together.  We are going with a whole group of people so it should be a blast.  We are staying at the Harrah's this time which is new for us.  We usually stay down on Freemont street.  I'm sure we will still make it down there to contribute a bit of money at some point :)   Last time we went I won $1200 at the Golden Nugget so here's hoping this trip is as succesful. 

On the TTC side of things I had my first CD1 on Metformin yesterday which is a great sign that it is working and hopefully we will be seeing a BFP soon.  I was hoping to bring home a little jackpot from Vegas but the timing just didn't work out right.  Oh well,  I'm not to concerened WHERE it happens, just THAT it happens.  :) 

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Metformin and good news


The Metformin is reacting to my body COMPLETELY different than the last two times and I am not enjoying the side effects.  I will however endure them and more if it means eventually getting our little miracle.  It would be so much easier if I didn't have to work full time but le sigh, that is the way of the world.  I do have an amazing boss and an amazing job though so I can't complain.  I think my boss is more excited for us to get pregnant than we are.  Well, not quite but you get the point :) 

On a happier note, hubby and I are taking of for a much needed vacation to Las Vegas in 8 days and.....................I just found out that I have been shorted two weeks of vacation.  Now I just need to figure out what I'm going to do with all my new found PTO (Paid Time OFF).  I'm thinking of taking hubby to Mexico early next year.  Maybe bring home a little souvenier if we aren't already pregnant :)